The past six months have been slow.. calm, almost too much so for my liking. It has made me mentally stronger and more willed. I feel that there is a picture coming about that I know has always been there and I am only just now starting to see the edges with better focus. Life shifts, we all know that and.. at the fast pace I mostly live my life that shift happens quicker and more often. There is this struggle that I can not let go of however.. Its that rush of service in a fine dining restaurant. Every minute of it. That feeling of passion for this industry comes and goes in seasons.. yet it never snuffed out. So I have taken time, a luxury myself and many cooks don’t often feel they deserve. I have slowed down and am mending my own mental health in any way I know how. This is good and I know it. My picture is coming into focus like the outline of a puzzle. Im back in NYC.. cooking. The rush is back the push of the daily planning and grind are plastered all over my calendar and I admit to enjoy every minute of it. In the same instant there is a itch that this may not be the place for me anymore. I have moved passed it in a way.. this city and its constant hustle. I could still do it and am still doing it for that matter but I question myself as to if I still want to in harsh place such as this. I can see how this lifestyle and work flow got to me after all the years spent in this city.. As much as I love and respect the tradesman ship of all who work so hard in the fine dining world here in New York, I believe I may in a small way have outgrown it. The competitive nature of people and restaurants are astounding here and are healthy for a cook such as myself to keep up with the creative process and the know how on food and its trends. Yet, I believe there is also a unhealthy balance that can suck oneself into a very small view point and focus on what food and restaurants should be.. or even the industry as a whole. To me that perspective isn’t who I am … anymore. Im grateful for it and the lessons I’ve received from it, but I have come to realize that I am lukewarm to the whos-whos list and the materialistic, media obsessed angle of this industry. I am happy on this little solid mental island and I want to stay that way. Some may find this selfish or even find I may be throwing talent and hard worked respect out the window. But it is who Ive become. I have good vibes, my mind is sharp and not slowing down any time soon. I want to cook good food, whatever that may be for me in the moment. There is a whole world out that and if I don’t embrace it openly I know that I will stop growing and creating and loose hope and focus. Im here. Im Matthew H Neele and I cook.

Ill be in full focus soon

5:42pm. Half opened eyes I stumble into Terminal 1. Its only a short flight, yet want to sleep for its duration. J.S. Bach Harpsichord in C minor in sway with the J train. Suitcase in tow as a portrait of Hemingway stares down over the bronze bulldog that reminds me walking across the greens at Yale. Tension is felt due to what is about to be done by this talented group of cooks.. with addition of their exhaustion of the previous week a lot could go wrong at any point. Grabbing a strong cup of coffee, the work starts to pour on and I can tell this is going to be a long night. Its a feeling thats all to familiar. Its only been part of my being the last decade or so. 

The jobs have changed, the responsibilities altered, environments and any other element that comes with being in the kitchen this long. As of late, I have been in my head to much. This has led me to be in a constant state of self doubt. A faith in myself is no longer as strong, that of my younger years. Like being in a train in India, I’m lost, again. It drives me insane to not have control over this mental and even emotional state, as making a soufflé in a busy service can still cause stress with no way to control it’s rise other then having faith. It is rough on my mental to process this at times, and often I retreat to a darker space. I have been selfishly taking care of me for the moment, I'm not ashamed about it. I currently could not care less about my job nor truly challenged by it but this has given me time to think, even if I’m in kitchen seven days a week there isn't a strain on my brain. Quite possibly why I keep at it even with a slight disdain toward it… with gratitude I remind myself I could quit at any moment…

It has been recently brought to light that I need to let go of this state of doubt, and it couldn't be truer. I’ve been ready to unlock a new ‘level’ in life if you will..I have known this for quite some time, I felt I didn't have the strength to accept it . As one knows, once you hit a new level there are new objectives, priorities, challenges and responsibilities in a different areas of ones life.. professional and other. The time for myself is now and I know that more than anyone. I’ve been tired, physically and mentally but I've been using that as a crutch. I need to reinvent that wheel, starting by systematically dropping negative people and things out of my life that aren't on the same mental wave length as me and my environment or goals. Some may find this cold, I couldn't care. Ive been this way since a young age and am very good and putting up a wall and also putting on a front. This same concept goes for the food I cook people and the restaurants I work for, and with. If it isn't beneficial to me, the environment and attitude or aptitude isn't healthy, consider me out. I have started to align myself with people and events that are happy, pure, true and good. 

Im getting up on my own again. Im going to start cooking food that I want to make, again. To start cooking and working for people that appreciate me and my worth. I wont take ‘No’ for an answer and I will push myself onto this new plain of life. Like a fresh clean canvas. I know it will be difficult at times.. one looses hope often, yet for the first time in a long time I can stare at my own reflection and be less demeaning to myself. A sense of peace, dare I say happiness.

I have a ideas for the future with all the hopes, dreams and just a sprinkle of planning. Ready for my new level in life, every aspect of it. I’m on another flight tonight and have had a moment to reflect these past couple of hours.. It has been a busy past few months, well a busy past year.. the ‘hustle’ is all to real. Interviews, traveling for work while having a full time job, Tv sets, new jobs, chauffeurs, new consultations and convertibles. Its been such a whirlwind of so much good.. I hardly have had time to enjoy any of it. Grinding like mad and putting my best foot forward. Tomorrow will be an early morning back at work, with no real day off till who knows when. Menu planning, restaurant openings, pop up dinners, more flights, art shows and art production, another flight or two. I'm going to start enjoying it.  

Breathe, straighten out your mind and ‘Punch a higher floor!’

Comfort Food. Its a concept that you have seen anywhere and everywhere. The local fast food joint to that new casual fine dining restaurant, its a word that of late is very reoccurring. I like ‘comfort’ food as much as the next person. Yet, this popular concept of fake comfort and instant  gratification would I very much like to see die off sooner then later with focused emphasis to the finer or casual dining establishments. So far my experiences have shown me the interior decor of these new restaurants have better essence than the food. Im confused, even as what to wear to these types of establishments do I dress down.. or up, Ive seen people walk in with a Diane Von Furstenberg wrap, to a baseball jersey. This balance to me is off and makes it uncomfortable from start to finish. Having cloth towels in the lavatory one would assume that this space would have quite a capable staff, that is well trained and attentive yet.. often not. Just for that, I’m over it.

The food itself is called comfort yet its false advertising if you ask me, and its un-comforting in so many ways. The dish is to big or to small, the addition of useless sides and funky serving dishes are a huge take away from the entirety of the dining experience… oh and that tiny table its supposed to all fit on. What has been worrisome for me recently is that chefs and cooks at these type of comfort food “finer, casual, global, dining experiences” as they call themselves have become flat out lazy. Calling yourself chef yet using prepackaged crackers for a cheese plate or cheetos as an addition to a mac n cheese to me is first off disgraceful, and secondly just plain sad. Adding flaming hot cheetos on mac and cheese and putting it in a cute little cozuela dish is not ok no matter how you look at it.. This is primarily done to make an item sell like hot cakes to an undereducated group of so called ‘foodie’ individuals because that is the only ingredient that they instantly recognize on the menu… it makes them comfortable.

Often it just “came about” and there is a funny back story as to why they are doing that at so and so restaurant. But tell me, would you not be prouder and be more respected if you had made a ritz cracker from scratch and experimented with your pastry chef or promising line cook till you get it just right instead of buying a pack through your supplier. I understand that there is food cost and labor cost to consider yet I believe this cutting corners approach as of late has really just dumbed down the talent in most kitchens, especially for the students and trainees fresh into this industry. You paid for an education, yet realize you now just work with house hold ingredients and don't even transform or manipulate those ingredients into something else, I would be uncomfortable knowing this before I ever payed a dime for schooling. Knowing you could have just watched IHarts food channel on youtube and hoped for the best. 

Service of food such as this is instantly less cared for, one can quickly tell in many of these type of establishments. Lack of carefully thought out and executed food, equals to less care for the customer in my experience thus far. If you can’t make it nice, or take pride in the food you make or serve.. why even show up to work. It works against the human grain.

This conception of comfort food came about of numerous factors. Forestalling the monetary flow of any establishment is at large part to blame, yet understandable as everything becomes more and more expensive and harder to make a profit of. A couple years back Southern cooking and Farm to Table where all the rage and since that has been on a decline.. a mesh or fusion has been made which puts us here at “Comfort Food”. If any or you remember the mid 2000s fusion was a huge thing.. even my own father who couldn't cook to safe his life called that a total “Confusion” and he was spot on! These trends never last, we know this but it is a concern to me because currently there is a huge lack of talent and the new work force can not attain the proper training to better themselves and aren't at times even willing to put in the time to learn and create, I’ve written about this before in previous posts on ÔRKiD..

Comfort should be part of every dining experience, wether that be high end dining or fast food. This is controlled primarily by front of house or know as ‘service’ at any establishment and this in turn reflects directly on the food being served. We all have our own opinions on food, our personal taste represents truest to what we would like to eat, some people don't like fine dining ( primarily in Northern America) or don't enjoy it which is perfectly fine.. in large that stems to where one grew up and what type of food you grew up with.. in short, whatever make oneself comfortable. Yet with so many dining options in todays world it comes down to the lack of education and knowledge starting from the cook all the way to the diner that is paying for the food. With the lack of food knowledge and huge material, social or financial interests this millennial generation has and the addition of the picky eaters, the vegan, the gluten free dieters, and the trendiest ‘it’ space of the week or month to dine at makes for a very stressful and, not at all comfortable environment.

Because of the knowledge gap and the very often large price tag that comes along with fine dining experiences we can agree that it can be uncomfortable for some of us 99% just hustling to make ends meet monthly. Yet, there isn't a need to shred it to pieces and make this concept of comfort food that lacks any depth and thought the better alternative. Maybe save up and enjoy a good meal once in a while and learn to cook at home again. There are some amazing food delivery companies out there that have solid and easy to make recipes at home that are often cheaper and better then that new comfort joint down the street. Todays youth not knowing how to properly cook anymore is saddening and this ‘ comfort food concept’ have been feeding right into it. From a business standpoint it is genius I can’t deny that. But comfort can easily be achieved if the right effort is put into place wether that is training the cooks and waitstaff better, or becoming more engaged with local clientele whatever comes to mind even as you read this is probably a step into a better scenario then where we are currently at. Its honestly not that hard, I want people to care again or care in general when it comes to service, after all.. that is the industry we are in. 

If money you say is the issue yet you pay 12$ for a cocktail and 19$ for a small plate that the waitstaff told you could easily be shared, yet can’t. This isn't comfortable for any of us, its annoying. Going out to eat has become ever more pricey the past decade. Yet, the quality of food, the relaxed service with an attitude that demands a higher and higher tip average per week needs to be brought to an end. Explain to me how my bill was worth this ‘comfort food’ with its half-assed thought out food and horrible snooty service is worth even two minutes of social media self gratification. Its not. I know because I've been in this social experiment to long. Point is, if you want comfort food your best bet is to support those local, often family run establishments that have been around for years. I swear they are just so good at what they do, they still care, and often it doesn't break the bank. Try that next time rather then this new spot where you’re in button down shirt yet the dessert needs an explanation but tastes shittier than a stale Twix bar from the nearest gas station.

Realizing that some will disagree with me on this subject matter, I want to let you know I'm always open to change for betterment of the food service industry, yet this wave of badly prepared, lazy, set back approach to food needs to go. I for one can’t wait for it to be over and done with. Food and dining is about memories on so many different levels, its the memory of past, such as eating something that reminds oneself of their grandmothers cooking or having a glass of wine that originated from a country you grew up in as a child. Its memory made in the present and wishes of ones for the future. But please lets all agree that Cheetos, atrociously large milkshakes that could feed four adults and using bologna like its cool is a step to far. If that is what I want as “comfort food” I’ll gladly stay home, burn my culinary arts degree while stuffing my face with Ben & Jerrys while watching Roseanne...

Because thats truly comfortable.

This past year anyone working in the food industry has seen at least an article or two about the shortage of cooks. A lot of information and opinions have been tossed around on this subject and I feel the need to address this from a cooks point of view. First let me say that this isn't all incorrect. I believe that this has largely to do with how the industry has been run for many decades and the lack in education from both the teacher and the students alike. I’d also like to point out that the industry is changing also from a demographic approach. Just even a couple years ago it was rare if not unheard of that a talented and career driven cook would leave the larger cities such as New York and San Fransico to work at a restaurant in lets say Minneapolis or Nashville. Alas, here we are with an exodus of these types mainly on a quest for better pay, hours and working conditions and not forgetting the large difference in monthly costs such as rent and utilities. This should be seen as a positive. Yet the lack of talent is noticeable if you are the one doing the hiring. Now the employees that one would look for are spread far and wide and the new kids on the block.. well lets say they need a helping hand, and often they act air headed and trivial for what we can offer.

Many of us cooks and chefs know that when I say the words ‘old-school’ or ‘ keeping your head down’ it is in reference to how things are done, or lets say how they have been done for quite some time in the restaurant world. Not all of it is that great, understood. That said may I remind you its stems from something much greater, and there is a huge shortage of that in todays society. Respect. For the establishment you work at, the chef you may work for, the cooks working side by side next to you, and even the ingredients you work with.

For many that have been around the block if you will, understand that this is how it is. You work from the bottom up. Long hours, small paychecks are the largest items new cooks to this industry don't understand, it in part has largely to do with how our industry is perceived by the media or even the way we make our industry out to be to the media. I cannot stress enough that it isn't ever all flowers and rainbows. Its hard works, there is a craft to it that can’t just be taught, it partially has to come from your own instilled talents. Paying just a couple thousand dollars shy of an Ivy League college education for only a bachelors in culinary arts does not I repeat, will not make you a chef. This title can, and only should be obtained from years of experience and talents that person may have. Three forth of you live in a state of delusional cupcake, Food Network, cake pop bubble. The entitlement of this current generation is a very large flaw in todays society. Sit down. Even though you have obtained a piece of paper does not give you the right to act as a know-it-all, let alone think the person standing next to you at work younger or older, which ever position can’t teach you something new. If you aren't open to learn you will never grow, and not growing means you will never survive the kitchen. I promise you that. Figure out that you will need to work for what you want and most importantly find pride and respect for those that paved the way for you to even be able to call this a respectable career.

I do understand that there are a great deal of issues that can and should be fixed in our industry such are wages, hours, and some type of benefit... we are working on that. Yet, also understand that you are in the business of perishable foods and profit is slim to non to begin with so, paying you more money will mean more responsibility from your end as a cook as well. People have forgotten that our line of work started as a tradesmanship and I pray in part it stays that way. Just because you can now receive a college education in the basics of the food service industry does not automate your title nor compensation, even for a job well done. In even an office work environment this is unrealistic, but you chose to work in food and arts so don't compare and confuse the two. Work at becoming better cooks, learn your palate, stay humble keep learning and growing find love in what you do even on the worst of days . Anyone of you cooks that actually have the drive and fanaticism to work in this industry needs to take a step back and find out what they want to accomplish, even if over a longer period of time, myself included. Yes at times you will take a pay cut. No, it won’t be easy but you will become a better cook and hopefully a great chef. This I find solves the first part of taking ownership and responsibility of the subject at hand.

To all the teachers, chefs and leaders in our industry, first let me thank you. Nevertheless, please be open to learn new things and stay open minded about new approaches in our ever fast changing industry. Guide us, mentor us and and if you find the time in your busy schedules give us young kids a chance to help you better, empower, and invigorate this job we all so dearly enjoy.

Now lets cook up something new, together. 

Close to a decade has passed, I'm sitting on a bench in Battery Park near the ocean, well you know...the best I could do for New York standards. All this work, interviews, an article or two, even some television a little consultancy and a lot more work. Judge what you will but I'm fucking exhausted, tired of it all. Not a gram of motivation left nor glimpse of my real self left in the mirrored reflection, what happened? What happened to it all? All I wanted to do was cook! But with even that I'm at odds with again,cooking. I quit.

‘I'm young’ they say ‘you will land on your feet’. Screw that. Building this version of myself was hard work and I have none other to blame but myself. I'm trying to find peace in my decision, and this may sound strange but this is all I’ve known for far too long. The scheduling, the menu changes, never having a proper day off, the never ending thought wave of food more food, and even more. Metaphorically if I may, it seemed that after all this time, it had started to eat me. Every thought every mention every idea of it. Something that gave me great joy was killing me slowly, and I was certain it wasn't cholesterol's nor ‘beurre, toujour la beurre!’

Life as I knew it was about to drastically change again. I could feel it in my gut. That sense of the wonderful loss, the nostalgia of warm sun rays as kids running barefoot in the red African dirt. Staring at every moving star. Through the mosquito netting smelling fresh curry leaves being crushed in Kodai Canal. A sense of revival at the foot of the Alps, or even an actual high in Christiania.

I have moved many times during my childhood and even adult life, but this one scared me the most. A sudden, unanticipated change of not knowing what I wanted with my life, and the fact that this was for once my decision not any others. It had brought a lot of self doubt to the forefront that I am very good at boxing it away. This I believe not only was a natural reaction from the way I grew up, but even more so how the way kitchen culture molds you into. Never letting you deal with yourself regardless how small the ordeal. You are a cook, a number. A robot. I knew why I was going through with it, I needed my chance to look at the reflection of myself and truly deal with all of it - every ounce of what I had done with my life. The way I lived, worked, cooked, and interpreted food. The one thing I couldn't get rid of, even as much as I tried, was cooking. Loving it or hating to love it, when all shed off it was me. Cooking was my life system it was my belief. The passion, a nemesis, an ally and even an antagonist if you will. Living for it, breathing it in each day even on the worst of days, giving it life and new meaning. Creating it, being it.

After a small fermentation process I’ve crawled back into it. I lead a very different life now, and yes I do miss the times, at times. Yet I have had seasons of self reflection and it has make me a better cook and chef. I have started to believe in myself again a little, in the way that I cook and also of my belief in food and the restaurant life. Its the best advice I can tell any cook who is in a shit spot in life, and work.

Take a step back, breath, and find time for yourself so that you can honestly look yourself in the mirror. The work we do is tough as nails, find your own way to make peace with that. 

I am a cook. This is me.

The world begins at the Kitchen Table. No matter what, we must eat to live.

Presents from the universe are bought , brought and prepared. Set on the Table. Its been so since creation and it will go on. Chase puppy eyes away from it, babies teethe at its corners. They scrape their knees under it. Stub of toes.

Its here children are given instructions on life and humanity. We make men at it, women, grown. Over wooden planks we gossip, recalling enemies and the ghosts of lovers past. Our dreams drink coffee with us. 

As we put arms around their children, Laughing with us at our depressed selves.. All the while putting ourselves back together around this Table.

This Table a house in the rain, an umbrella in the sun. 

Wars are started and finished.

A place to hide from the terrors of life, a place to celebrate the terrible victories. At this Table we sing joy, prayer for the suffering and remorse, new birth. Have prepared for parents burials, with sorrow and refreshing light.. we give thanks.

Perhaps the world will end at the Kitchen Table.. One can hope while we laugh and cry, eating of the last sweet bite.

Its just a Kitchen Table

'Be here at noon sharp, and stay out of the way!’ I had finally worked up the nerve to walk into the back door of the old french kitchen’s door and asked if I could come and ‘watch’. The Chef was also an old French man who had a calm yet blood curdling demeanor with a side of butter. I was fifteen at the time, close to finishing high school and newly moved to the States with a good dose of loneliness and boredom. All the while not realizing I already had an attachment to the kitchen and food. After the first week or so I had, in my own way found how to ‘stay out of the way’. The dish pit had an almost unobstructed view of the line and chef’s pass. I had found a safe space in this chaotic place, the kitchen. Clink, hot pan, clank, behind, sharp! Scrubbing large stock pots none of the like I'd ever seen before, large enough for me to sit in. In liquified ways everyone moved at lightning speed, the yelling, camaraderie, smells oh the smells, but lastly the end result on the plate. I was in a spell. 

I’ll admit I'm a bit too agog at times matched with had a stupendous case of curiosity, which in hindsight I realized had probably driven the cooks to a point of madness. One evening just as dinner service was about to commence I was crammed into the corner at the dish pit flecking a case of tarragon while hurdling out question after question to the poissonier. Not knowing when to shut my mouth the chef walked over and told the line cook to show me with actions but not speak. Chef demonstrated this while cooking a skate wing in silence from start to finish while glaring up every minute or so to stare straight into my soul. He plated it found a fork and gave it to me and said ‘see it’s now quiet, and you've learned something’. I did. First, finding that I now loved skate and second, my first real understanding of how the hierarchy of the kitchen worked. While Chef had stepped away from the pass to school me into silence the Sous Chef had taken the position there. Everyone else followed suite and knew exactly which areas needed to be filled and how to execute those new responsibilities. They all stepped up. They where a team and this happened instantly and organically. This also showed me where I stood, if at all, on this social totem pole. I was flecking herbs - you do the math.

I will say, after that experience I had learned a lot. I had started to get the hang of when and how to ask my questions; direct and quick. The very next day I brought a little note pad with me the I scribbled all the answers in it. With my newfound realization of the kitchen hierarchy. I found to never speak when chef was speaking - a major mistake I will never make again, I swear. Becoming more comfortable after a couple weeks I was presented with more tasks, such as cutting little vegetable and frying small quail eggs for hour d’ouvres and the likes. It made me nervous that I would fuck up in a heartbeat but, was also very pleased with these new challenges especially when the cook or chef seemed gratified with my end result.

These were my first days, this was my start.

The way I was brought up or trained so to speak in restaurants was in a very “classique cuisine” setting. I wouldn't trade it for the world and never have nor will take it for granted. Especially now seeing the green pea shoots that they are churning out if culinary establishments. From the start of French cuisine and a big help from Escoffiers brigade system, this is how in principle all kitchens still function and work to this day. It has so many positives, The structure, the appearance, Its power to have or rather produce a respect and pride in what you do and whom you do it with. The foundations and philosophies of the brigades system are, I find the pinnacle to communication, respect, and in essence curates a team spirit effort while one works in kitchens. Even with all these pros there is the fact that it is an old school system and with the change in social culture.. even kitchen culture it may be time to look at revising it a bit. For example not all restaurants have their own pastry chefs anymore, or the person plating your appetizer is also responsible for your dessert plating during a dinner service.

This has become quite a norm, and that leaves to question what are the more sought after positions on that hierarchy ladder? I find it has broken down the communication, and certain respect for these now open ended positions and no one is taking full responsibility when something goes awry. This also has led to a lot of these younger generation cooks moving up the ladder way quicker then I have ever witnessed in this past decade alone. That and the knowledge of shortage of cooks at high end restaurants concerns me.. because how good or consistent is the food actually when the sous-chef is just two years out of culinary school. They run up the ladder with no proper training and don't have a solid foundation nor structure in what they cook, how they cook it.. or even what they like to cook having no repertoire of their own.  Now I'm not saying that sous is not talented, but I'm not concerned about talent I'm concerned about the knowledge that this person carries around with him or herself in the knife bag. In full honesty these new kids on the block have it a lot lot better then I did or the generations before us. It is way easier to find employment at restaurants of high caliber then it ever used to be, back in the day you had to fight to get even a good placement to stage or train if you had the privilege of attending a culinary school. Now you can just sign up by email. I would love to hear a story of a millennial that went to Hyde Park with daddies money and knock on a back door of a michelin starred restaurant for a week straight just to get some face time.

I’ll Wait.
If you’re out there... I owe you a glass of wine and please send me you resumé. 

Yes, I will admit the classic setting of a kitchen is harsh and the systems that are so stone solid do come with a heavy dark cloud. There are chefs out there that have exploited the system mostly stemming from their own ego and even lack of confidence. These places can be very hard to work at even if you are just planning to be there for a short while to bump up your resume.. I understand. The old school ways of the kitchen are in so many ways even with all the good that comes from it, a very damaged, beat up arrangement. There is a lot of “head down” no one can say a word. You're a number on the wall, manipulation, overworking, The ‘who ever can get ahead of the other’ backstabbing. Yes competition is good, and yes absolutely 'keep your head down' for a couple years first to learn and find respect for what you do... or as I'd like to say "pay your dues!"... but not when it is unhealthy to the establishment or even its employees. This often makes the individuals in these work environments become prone to find the nearest bottle or pill they can get their hands on just to make the long hours bearable, let alone the demeaning yells. Life for quite some time in kitchens the last three decade or so have not been all to healthy. It has led to a lot of unspoken mental illness in the industry that we have been almost trained to not acknowledge.

Problems as such have had and will keep having a huge toll on the industry and we need to have a conversation about this. Some very strong people have come to the forefront such as Kat Kinsman, Daniel Patterson, even Anthony Bourdain and it heartens me that they have opened up and started a real dialogue on the subject. For some, myself included just getting the basic health care for us is often financially impossible. I still scrape up the random cents to go to therapy at least once a month, I have no shame in telling you, that yes I go to a shrink. Yes I was also very embarrassed about it at first never having told anyone that I go, but in more ways than one I have realized it has helped me immensely. Weakness in any form for the longest time in this industry has been very unpopular. I believe that this stems directly from the old fashioned ways that the kitchens have been run.

Yet the complaining and whining that tarnishes even the good part of this old system need to stop, If you can not bring a solution to the table even in the smallest of ways then please reconsider being such a strong opponent to this system that has done a lot of good, even for you that young cook complaining about it as you manicure your drink after service at the nearest hole in the wall adjacent to your job. If it wasn't for this system and these amazing chefs that came before you, that are at large responsible to paving the way...for you to call this a respectable career choice. Think about that and find some respect for it before you bash it harder then a veal schnitzel. We need to come together and hear each other out, respecting what other individuals have as opinions and thoughts on this matter. I too believe that there should be better pay and even benefits, maybe even all around better working environments. There are a few establishments out there the do this well but all in all, its rare. So lets be kind to one another especially starting in the kitchens, ask your colleagues from time to time on how they are doing.. theres no shame in that. There are more of you ‘crazies’ out there then you can imagine as we all know the kitchen is on of the last places in todays society where this ‘misfit’ culture is still embraced. That is one thing I pray doesn't get lost..the creativity and the wild characters that this profession procures. So don't denounce and shy away from the subject. Learn and educate yourself in this field and be open to speak about it even if it is difficult.

Lets Help Each Other, Unite, Lets Care. 

It’s gloomy out, sitting at the edge of my bed staring out the window watching the melting snow patter into puddles. There isn't a lot is going on today as Mondays are mundane at best for many restaurants. For anyone who has worked in this field knows this makes the day last longer than imaginable. This weather also doesn't do me to much good setting me off into a spiral of procrastination and a quick sense of boredom. It dawns on me that I have been out here for over six months already. The slow life, the.. in the middle of nowhere life. I miss the city, any city I've ever lived in around this world for that matter. This place is to dull or is it the quiet, it scares me. It was my own choice, knowing full well I may even have forced it upon myself a bit. Rationalizing everything, then to even throw rationalization out the kitchen swing doors and say ‘fuck it’ I need some selfish ‘me time’ whatever that even means.

As I unlock the backdoor to the kitchen, trying to balance my coffee as to not spill it onto my fresh chef whites I realize that today I also have to make family meal. My phone buzzes, its a text from my mother. I miss having her around more and more the older I get, and let me tell you she can cook! I remember summer days on porches watching my Grandmother and her daughter trimming green string beans in silent bliss. Poached pears. I’ll make that for family meal today! 

Dusting the bench with a flurry of flour, starting to pull away lumps of dough so as to form them for the daily bread baking. The gluten is stingy yet sticky and its smells with slight acidity. Bread, it may be the oldest form of baking in any culture, grains are milled and moisture is added then heat. Its the simplest type of food I may make on a daily bases yet, one of the most complex. Setting up a tray of quenelles like little soldiers of whipped butter with dashes of sea salt.

Nasturtium ice cream is cooling, marigold petals are picked and rinsed. I check the breads that are baking in an insanely hot oven removing the heavy lodge pan lids one by one… the aroma itself could make you face plant into every golden domed crust. Whipping some cream I set some aside for the chocolate mousse that I am about to make. Manjari chocolate, it may be my favorite and yes I could possibly be bias, but the acidic dark red fruits and citrus in this dark chocolate which originates from Madagascar is sublime. A couple almonds some greens from the garden out back and a bit of horseradish dressing. I slide the hotel pan of pasta onto the counter and place next to it a big bowl of crostini.. also my mothers port poached pears. Family meal.

As I slice into the first loaf I realize its only 5:45pm. What did I tell you, its ‘Mon-dane’. Yet, I'm content those pears where delicious, and my mother has figured out emojis.

Jacqueline is my bread starter.

Speeding down a dirt road through the vineyards in a little 1982 baby blue golf. Passing row upon row of budding rose bushes that line the end of each trellis. Sun in my face and the ocean wind whipping through my hair, I’m content, I’m headed home.. to the beach. This morning at work was exhausting, with breakfast service, lunch… and room service. The kiosk needed restocking. This I enjoy, and the pastry chef has finally let me take some responsibility in that I can lay out all of her chocolates and daintily arrange the freshly baked breads and croissants. Aah the smell and feel of a perfectly warm just baked croissant, If you don't know as to what I'm speaking of, please do yourself a favor. 

Setting up the poissonier station for lunch service, checking then double checking each ingredient. I will admit that this station still makes me a bit jumpy. The temperature of the pan the oils or butter you add and when to add them. The way you place the fish into each pan and discovering the ‘hot-spots’ in each oven. Its very exciting and I'm a bit obsessed with getting a perfect skin on each trout. This in full disclosure, had gotten me into some trouble because I may or may not have slowed the kitchen down with my infatuation. The chef is German, and clearly not impressed. 

Nearing the end of this service we pack away what isn't needed for dinner service and quickly reset the kitchen so that we can start to prep for a wedding that is scheduled for tomorrow. Hotel trays and plate trolleys are pulled out and set up. Everywhere you look cooks are buzzing around, a new shift of cooks and chefs have arrived to prep for this evenings dinner service. Cucumbers are diced in perfect little squares, fennel is sliced paper thin on a mandoline. A chef comes to ask my assistance for what looks like at least 15 carré d’agneau, using a small knife she shows me how to “french” each bone. This is a very enjoyable new task, each rack needs to look identical to the next. Yet, some have the bones tightly lined up and others more freely, and other have more fat then the next … small things like this intrigue me. Lamb from the Karoo is delicious they feed off of bossies, herbs, and rivierganna which in a sense is like a edible spice market in the dry african terrain making the flavor of the meat distinctly herbaceous. 

I pack up my knife bag and head outside into what has turned out to be a bloody hot late afternoon.
Making my way over to the chef who'd just shown me my way around a lamb rack, she asks for a cigarette, we smoke in silence on a little wall that has the largest view of the Stellenbosch valleys. Saying that we should meet up for drinks tonight, she rushes back into the kitchen to finish her setup before dinner starts. 

I have been working at a small boutique hotel in the middle of the South African winelands. There is so much I learn each day, the kitchen alone has a separate cooled room just for butchering and a complete area just for pastry… nothing like I’d ever seen before. The views of the grounds are incomparable to any view from a basement kitchen in New York. Ive been hopping from station to station, scolded at almost daily but not dishearten even a little. 

There are a couple cooks that I am comfortable enough to ask a question or two from. I’m growing, something new each day. This is where my trainee days where. Surrounded by good wine and food, african sun in my face, strolling on a little trail.. pigments of red dirt on my bare feet as I head toward the nearing the beach sands. Antarctica is closer then a passport said I came from, but here is where my heart will forever stay. My childhood was here, my love for food blossomed here. My mind is at peace here.  

Food. Beach. Mountain. Wine