Slow food

The past six months have been slow.. calm, almost too much so for my liking. It has made me mentally stronger and more willed. I feel that there is a picture coming about that I know has always been there and I am only just now starting to see the edges with better focus. Life shifts, we all know that and.. at the fast pace I mostly live my life that shift happens quicker and more often. There is this struggle that I can not let go of however.. Its that rush of service in a fine dining restaurant. Every minute of it. That feeling of passion for this industry comes and goes in seasons.. yet it never snuffed out. So I have taken time, a luxury myself and many cooks don’t often feel they deserve. I have slowed down and am mending my own mental health in any way I know how. This is good and I know it. My picture is coming into focus like the outline of a puzzle. Im back in NYC.. cooking. The rush is back the push of the daily planning and grind are plastered all over my calendar and I admit to enjoy every minute of it. In the same instant there is a itch that this may not be the place for me anymore. I have moved passed it in a way.. this city and its constant hustle. I could still do it and am still doing it for that matter but I question myself as to if I still want to in harsh place such as this. I can see how this lifestyle and work flow got to me after all the years spent in this city.. As much as I love and respect the tradesman ship of all who work so hard in the fine dining world here in New York, I believe I may in a small way have outgrown it. The competitive nature of people and restaurants are astounding here and are healthy for a cook such as myself to keep up with the creative process and the know how on food and its trends. Yet, I believe there is also a unhealthy balance that can suck oneself into a very small view point and focus on what food and restaurants should be.. or even the industry as a whole. To me that perspective isn’t who I am … anymore. Im grateful for it and the lessons I’ve received from it, but I have come to realize that I am lukewarm to the whos-whos list and the materialistic, media obsessed angle of this industry. I am happy on this little solid mental island and I want to stay that way. Some may find this selfish or even find I may be throwing talent and hard worked respect out the window. But it is who Ive become. I have good vibes, my mind is sharp and not slowing down any time soon. I want to cook good food, whatever that may be for me in the moment. There is a whole world out that and if I don’t embrace it openly I know that I will stop growing and creating and loose hope and focus. Im here. Im Matthew H Neele and I cook.

Ill be in full focus soon